so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize