Just cropdusted the office
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
