I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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