I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
