I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
