I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
