OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
