i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
