i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
