I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
