I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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