I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
