you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
