I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
