my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
