is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize