I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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