he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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