I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize