Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
