i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
