then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
His nipple licking is glorious
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