Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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