garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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