I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
