No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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