even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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