Can Purell be used as lube?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
