well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
