Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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