Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize