I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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