babies were throwing up all over the place
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
