I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
