The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
