the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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