just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
