this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
