Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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