dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
