took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
