I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
