Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
