oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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