if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
