Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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