hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
