i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
