The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
