i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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