just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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