God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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