It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
