You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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