thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize