Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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