all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
