I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
