Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
