P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
