I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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