UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
