it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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