If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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