I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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