um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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