I'm gonna have a badass scar
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize