Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
