Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
