i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
