No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
