Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
