I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
