shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
